Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize