My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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