Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
