My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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