did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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