So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You ruined the universe
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize