You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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