he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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