you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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