where am i from again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
