Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
