38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
