found the other keg... it's in the tree
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
