I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
