We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
