Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
