I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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