Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
