I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
