also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
