the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize