This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she smelled like a LAN party
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
