I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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