Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
