walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
