I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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