Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize