Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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