i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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