Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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