lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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