She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
