is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't put those talents on a resume
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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