i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
