i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize