Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
