Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
