I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
