1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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