You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
