So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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