i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Two words: blizzard sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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