The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
