So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
