yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
