He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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