she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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