mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
