get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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