Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it's like iHOP with fire
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
