you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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