I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
