Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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