Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
