Pappa wants mamma naked
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
