You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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