Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye

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(630): View more from Illinois

life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

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(912): View more from Georgia

Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.

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(585): View more from New York

Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner

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