my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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