I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
