I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
