i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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