I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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