We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize