Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
