Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
