note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
