I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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