I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
