he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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