Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Randomize
