i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize