Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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