Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
