what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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