what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
