she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
