I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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