dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
