remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
