Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
