I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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