I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it penis luge time yet?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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