don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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