i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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