you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
