Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize