I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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