Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
