she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
