That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
