he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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