Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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