I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
