so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
