Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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