oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
