I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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