I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
