Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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