You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I can text with my tongue
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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