I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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