Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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